1. Try to include more media specific terminology (even in your script) and add more detail for your mise-en-scene (this will help you out later when you come to shoot). 2. Rethink locations - I think there are too many house shots in the start - maybe using a sink in a school or public toilets in the park to make it more grim. 3. Use the present tense. 4. Is it realistic that a teenage girl would have a knife in her bedroom drawer?
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